Dragon's Shit
by Shayni May
Summary: Theron didn't quite realize that he considered Alistair a friend until he almost slit Goldanna's throat. Imagine that. Rate M because the site deleted it when it was rated T O.o What teenager can't handle the S-word?


Theron was excited, which since his best friends' disappearance, being kidnapped into a "Legendary Order", and being forced to save the land from the Blight, was a feeling he hadn't felt in a long time. He had never seen a city before, only heard about them from Tamlen, Pol, Leliana and Alistair. He couldn't wait to see one for his self. They walked up the paved highway to Denerim. The first city he'd see would be the capital of Ferelden no less! This was the one perk of being a Grey Warden.

But then it hit him.

"Holy Creators…" Theron muttered under his breath. "_What _is _that _smell!" He demanded

Theron glanced at his fellow Warden, who was staring at him in a confused-amusement state. Theron prayed the warrior couldn't tell that it was a serious question. "What smell?" Alistair asked and chuckled slightly.

The Dalish waved his arms _"THAT _smell!" He said "The one that is wafting in the air as we speak!"

"That's Denerim… Have you never been to a city before, Theron?" Wynne asked

Theron shook his head "There were a few would travel into villages to trade with the shems, but only a few could do that task."

Alistair burst out laughing. "You're serious! You've never been to a city before?" Theron's face began to heat up and he down at his boots. Alistair put his arm around his fellow Warden "That, my friend, is the smell of _life!" _

Theron grimaced, "Then I want to die." He said disgustedly

Alistair laughed again and clapped him on the back "Ah, come now! It's not _that _bad!"

He looked up at his fellow Warden. "Alistair, I have never, in my twenty-three years on this world, smelt anything as horrid as _'life'" _He covered his nose, his excitement gone. He could feel his depression creeping back into him. Being a Grey Warden sucked again.

"Surely, that's an overstatement." Leliana said "The life of the Dalish doesn't always smell like sunshine and roses."

"True, but it has _never _smelt that putrid." He said uncovering his nose "You guys can go get supplies without me. I don't want to risk going in there." His stomach was turning, threatening to release his lunch over Leliana's shoes.

"No way," Alistair said "You'll try to run away again. You're coming in wither you like it or not!"

Theron shot him a dirty look, "Alistair, I know I have tried to leave many times-"

"Eleven times." Wynne slid in

"-but I swear, on my life, I will be waiting for you, right here. Just please don't make me go in there." Theron begged. Even though Theron was the leader of this merry band of misfits, Alistair was twice his size and twice his strength. The rouge was no match for the walking armory, if Alistair decided to drag him,(Which Theron learned from experience, he was not above doing)he would drag him. The man was a younger version of Dunc- No, Theron swore to never even _think _of that bastards name.

Alistair smirked "No chance, you're coming in."

Theron looked to the mage for some back up. Wynne just shook her head, "You're the leader." Was all she said.

The Dalish shoulders sagged "Fine. But when I come out smelling like a dragon just shit on me, I'm blaming you." He pointed at Alistair.

The warrior laughed again "I'll take it!"

Theron sighed and walked closer to gate entrances. _And now, I shall smell of shit, instead of wet dog. __Wonderful. _

Theron couldn't believe it. The ENTIRE city smelt horrid. It only got worse the further in you traveled. How the humans, and some elves, lived here, WILLINGLY, was completely beyond his understanding. But despite his state of depression and annoyance, Theron stood tall and unwavering. These damn shemlems and flat ears would know the Dalish as the proud people they were!

Wynne and Leliana had wandered off in search of different supplies. Alistair, of course, stuck to Theron like glue. He wasn't going to risk the Dalish disappearing in the crowds and leaving him to fight the Blight himself. Speaking of Alistair, the warrior was stealing glances at him from the corner of his eye. Theron rolled his eyes. "Something on your mind, Alistair?" He asked

The warrior stopped in his tracks, he hadn't been expecting to be caught red-handed. He rubbed the back of his neck. "I, uh, I was wondering if we could…" He trailed off.

Theron waited patiently, though annoyed at the Ex-Templars expectation that the elf could read minds. "That we could what, Alistair?" He asked

Alistair's cheeks heated up, and he found a sudden interest in his boots."That we could… look someone up? In the city?"

Theron cocked an eyebrow at him "From the way you blush, I assume this is some former lover of yours?" He jested. Alistair's eyes snapped up to him, his face completely red. Theron laughed "I'm only joking! Of course we can!" He said, clapping the man on the shoulder "Who is this person?"

Alistair began to ramble and spill all the details. Theron only caught a few words, partly because he still hadn't memorized all of the english language and partly because Alistair was talking so fast. But the parts he _did _catch were "Half sister", "Never met" and "Warning her of danger". Theron held up his hand and Alistair stopped talking. The elf gave him a lopsided grin, "Slow down there, Tiger. Just tell me which way to go."

They stood in front of an innocent enough looking door. "This is it…" Alistair muttered. Theron looked up at the warrior, who was now sweating enough to drown a halla. "Should we do this?" He asked "We shouldn't do this!" He said before the elf could even open his mouth. He looked down at his companion.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought Grey Wardens feared nothing. But I suppose we are to cower at the thought of family? Good to know." The elf said sarcastically

"Shut up, you ass." Alistair said and the Dalish laughed "Alright, let's do this."

"Wait, you don't want to meet her on your own? She is your sister after all."

"I don't know what to expect… Please come with me?" He begged. That man had better puppy eyes than Merril. And that was saying something.

Theron sighed, "Alright, lead on."

Alistair stepped forward and pushed open the door. The two men entered the house, claustrophobia over took Theron. How could people live in one boarded up shelter? All the time? "Uh, hello?" Alistair called, dragging Theron back from his fears.

"Oy, you have linens to wash? I charge three bits a bundle you won't find better, and _don't _trust that Natelia woman. She's foreign, and she'll rob you blind." A woman said as she walked into the room.

She looked to be about thirty, though Theron was terrible at telling humans ages. But she did look quite a bit like Alistair.

"We're not here to have any wash done…" Alistair said awkwardly "My name's Alistair and… this is going to sound sort of strange… But are you Goldanna? If you are then I suppose… I'm your brother!"

Theron slapped his hand to his head. He didn't think Alistair could make it more awkward, but lo and behold! He did. "My what? How do you know my name? What tomfooley are you folk up to!" She demanded

Theron sighed "Just listen to him, he's telling the truth."

"Look, our mother worked in the castle, a long time ago before she died… Do you know about that? She-"

"YOU!" Goldanna suddenly screeched and Theron jumped "I KNEW IT! They said you were dead! They said the babe was dead along with mother, but I _knew _they were lyin'!"

"Wait, who told that?" Theron asked

"Thems at the castle! I told thems the babe was the kings' but they said it were dead! Gave me coin to shuts my mouth and sent me on my way! I KNEW IT!" She exclaimed

Theron was the first to admit that he was terrible at english, but that was because it was his fourth language. This woman had grown up with it and yet she was speaking like a three year old. The elf suddenly felt sorry for Alistair.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know that. The babe didn't die. I'm him; I'm… your brother."

Theron smiled at a such a happy moment for his comrade. But then the wench scoffed "For all the good it does me!" She said and Theron's jaw landed in the Deep Roads. "You killed mother, you did, and I've had to scrap by all this time? That coin didn't last long, and when I went back, they ran me off!"

Theron took a step forward "That's not Alistair's fault!"

"And who in the name of the Maker are you? Hmm? Some elf, to carry around his riches?"

"Oh, you bitch-" Theron started towards her but Alistair pulled him back.

"Hey! Don't speak to him like that! He's my friend and a Grey Warden, just like me!" Alistair cut in

"Oooohhh, I see. A prince and a Grey Warden too. Well, who am I to think poorly of someone so high and mighty, compared to me!" She spat. Theron didn't know what she meant about him being a prince, but that was no excuse for what a bitch she was being! "I don't know you, boy. Your royal father forced himself on my mother, and took her away from me! And what have I to show for it? NOTHING. They tricked me good. I shoulda told everyone!"

She wiggled a finger at them "I've got five mouths to feed, and unless you can help with that, I got less than no use for you!"

"I'm… I'm sorry, I don't know what to say." Alistair mumbled

"You have some _nerve _talking to your brother this way!" Theron demanded. Who did this bitch think she was! Only Theron could talk to him like that! And only with his words drenched in sarcasm!

"Well he wasn't no brother of mine ten minutes ago, was he!"

Theron had enough, he drew his blade and pinned the wench up against the wall. "Theron!" Alistair cried.

"No! This bitch is getting it!" He said and pushed his dagger to the edge of her throat "Now you listen here! Alistair is a great man and wonderful friend! He doesn't deserve this shit that you're handing out on a golden platter! Just because you're a slut who doesn't know how to keep her legs closed doesn't mean he owes you _anything!"_

Fear shown in her eyes like two full moons. "Mercy ser, mercy!" she cried

"Mercy! In walks your long lost brother and you insult and berate him, then you demand money! I ought to cut out your tongue!"

"No!" Alistair gripped his shoulder "She isn't worth it and it's her house. Let's just go."

Theron glared at her, daring for her to say something, to give him any excuse to slice her throat. Alistair tugged at his arm again and he withdrew. Alistair pulled him out of the door. "Well," he said "that was… not what I expected. To put it lightly."

Theron sighed "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, but she-"

"No, don't worry about it. I actually glad you did it, it seemed all she was after was our money…" He looked at him sadly "This is the family I've been wondering about? That gold-digging harpy is my sister? I can't believe it." he sighed "I guess I was expecting her to accept me without question. Isn't that what family is suppose to do? I feel like such a fool."

Theron waved his hand dismissively. "You don't need her, Alistair. You have others who care about you."

"Such as…?" He asked so quietly Theron almost missed it "Duncan was the only one who ever cared about me, and now he's gone…"

Theron shook his head "Look, I know I can be an asshole sometimes, but you have friends, Alistair. And I'm one of them."

Alistair looked at him with disbelief. "I… Thank you. I appreciate that…" The elf reached up and patted the warriors shoulder. The Ex-Templar now looked at him strangely "What was that?" he asked

"What was what?" The elf asked

"That slapping thing you did, just now."

The elf knit his eyebrows. "I don't know, Leliana does it to me all the time. She says it's suppose to be comforting, or some shit." The Dalish smiled at him.

"Comforting? That was like being slapped by a seal." Alistair laughed

"What? A seal? Really?" He gave the other man a playful dirty look "You're bullshitting me!"

"Nah, really. Here, maybe I was just too far away, try again." Alistair stepped forward and Theron punched his arm. Both men laughed as they continued through the city.

The one perk of being Grey Warden, was that out of all of them to be stuck with, Theron got Alistair. And for that, he was greatful.


End file.
